8 Ways to Deal With a Coworker’s Crush
Imagine how you present yourself in the office. Well dressed, well mannered, at your best and performing, for eight to ten hours at a stretch, in view of men. If he is not daft or differently sexually oriented, most men will find you attractive. This is one of the reasons why office romances are blossoming like never before. However, one can feel severely disturbed if the attention is unwanted. What happens when your manager seems to have cow eyes for you even though you are engaged or not even remotely interested in him? How to deal with this without compromising with your prospects or a friendly relationship at the work place? Here are 8 ways to deal with a coworker’s crush.
1. Keep it strictly to work
One of the best ways to deal with a crushing coworker is keep it strictly to work. No matter the warm smile and sly remarks and that deep gaze in the eyes, don’t let your guard down. No matter what he wants you to feel, keep your conversations and your mind strictly revolving around work. Even a silly person will get the drift and keep away.
2. Play dumb
Ignoring the advances, unless they are overtly sexual or threatening in any way, is still the best policy. If nothing else works, play dumb. Make him feel you just don’t get it.
3. Have a conversation
This is easier said than done, especially if your subject of concern is your superior or a great friendly colleague. If the first couple of efforts mentioned here fail, and if he still keeps rubbing his feelings on you, gently tell him, you are flattered by his attention but you’d like to concentrate on your work. Superiors are smart people, they will get it. If it’s a friend, he’ll understand too.
4. Be diplomatic in your conversation
Never be too confrontational while having a conversation. Don’t do or say things that might be too damaging for his ego or self esteem. In short, don’t burn your bridges. After all, neither of you are quitting the job after the talk. And both of you will have to communicate again. So you want to be diplomatic as much as you need to be assertive. Tell him you hope to continue to be great colleagues/friends at the workplace and that you value his work ethics etc. Give him the respect a colleague deserves and also some space; let the chap heal!
5. Be discreet
This might be a great topic for office gossip, agreed, but if you really want to put this behind you, let it die without much ado. Never discuss a crushing colleague or superior with a pal at the workplace. This usually comes back to haunt you in more ways than you can imagine. Remember Clinton, Monica and the buddy she told?
6. Never send mixed signals
So, you said “no” when he asked you out on a date but accepted the small gift pack that appeared on your desk! Never do this for you will be sending out mixed signals. Don’t get his hopes high unless you want the same thing too.
7. Keep it short, simple and conclusive
Many women make the mistake of saying open ended things like “if I wasn’t engaged/married perhaps I would’ve” or “I don’t date people from the workplace”. Don’t make him feel had the situation been different, you would’ve given it a shot. Also, once you have had the talk, act as if nothing happened. Don’t linger on “what just happened” or “this was awkward”. Just get back to work.
8. Tell your superior
If the “crush” has gone far beyond the limit of harmless office romance, take stock, think it over. Does this now feel like regular harassment? Do you feel physically or mentally at the risk of unacceptable attention? If so, do tell your superior. Make him/her aware you have tried every other discreet way without any result and finally you have been forced to bring it to the notice of superiors. By no means should you allow yourself be a subject of workplace harassment!